Twitter’s in Denial

Low Twattage Sinks Twitter

So, the Twits were all a twitter about losing their Tweets, today. Apparently, someone’s hacked off about something or merely being mischievous and decided to implement a Denial of Service attack on Twitter’s servers. I wonder if it was some rival social media entity that attacked Twitter. Hmm, who might it be?

Did Delicious turn vicious
or were they dug into by Digg?
Did someone Stumbleupon them
and pull the cord out of their rig?

Could Reddit have finally had it
with all the Twitter BallHype?
Maybe AOL’s to blame
taking AIM, as well, at Stylehive.

A random Blogger maybe
doin’ crazy Fark’n Backflips
Or a Technorati Tumblr
into a pile of Tweeted Favorites.

Could Kaboodle have lost its noodle
and Tip’d a Spurl in its Propellar?
Or was Bebo crowding MySpace
like a Simpy sappy feller?

Though they lost a little Facebook
Mr Wong said this isn’t right.
He would ask his best FriendFeed
if they’d get LinkedIn by night.

Hatena did a Kirtsy
near the end of Link-a-GoGo,
but ThisNext piece of evidence
suggests it could be Plaxo.

The Netvibes finally settled
as the Mixx of suspects dwindled.
The Buzz across the internet
was Slashdot had been swindled.

Even Twitter could be the culprit,
turning the lights off to be frugal.
But I’ll bet my Amazon Wishlist
that, as usual, it was Google.

Twitter I like . . . a little. Better than Facebook. How did Facebook get to be so huge? I think it’s a turd wrapped in tinfoil. It has a little luster on the outside, but once you dig into it, whoa, the smell and mess drive me away quickly. Is it just me? The colors and presentation are bland. It’s like hospital food. That stuff can kill you.

For instance, I once had a Tao of Kat fan page, but if I wanted to be friends with someone, it forced me to use my real name, so I dumped it and Facebook, quickly. Now, I certainly understand why any social site would want transparency due to those who would take advantage of others, especially where children are concerned. However, if I’ve already given the site my real name, phone number, email address and a full cavity search, then why can’t I call myself whatever I want?

I don’t have a problem with people knowing my birth name. It’s plastered on my poetry book and I’ve said it in emails or posts, before. I’m not hiding who I am. I’m proud of my family name and heritage. I like my name. I just prefer to brand myself as Kat, that’s all.

Facebook has so many users that it is an obvious strain on their system, which tends to be clunky, at times, or display improper data. I logged in a few days ago and all of the main titles and headlines were in Polish. WTF? I hadn’t changed anything. I can barely speak English, much less Polish. Stop it. Fix it. Get a new hamster, a new wheel, anything.

Their new Facebook fan page badge is annoying, also. Because their site doesn’t work smoothly, then the badge fails to load properly on my own website, thus the Javascript hangs up and my site won’t load. The same can be said for Twitter, which first suffered the Denial of Service attack, today, and is still having problems. I disconnected my Twitter feed because it kept my page from loading. Bah!

Personally, though I enjoy some of the features of Facebook and Twitter, I certainly won’t lose any sleep over either of them taking a huge dump. Friends insist that I need to be on them and other social sites or I am somehow antisocial. I’m not antisocial. I am anti-shit. I don’t like things that either perform poorly, inconsistently or tend to waste my time.

In a world of ever increasing information overload, media multitasking and internet connectivity, we’re placing way too much emphasis on the technology instead of the people. Give me some face-to-face time, any day, over Facebook.

I say take a break from Twitter, Facebook and the umpteen others that occupy your time, drive you out of your mind and suck up endless gigawatts of energy that could be put to better use. Would we really lose anything if someone threw a social media party and no one came? In fact, stop reading this, right now, and go do something constructive.

Spend time with your kids, your mate, your parents and your real friends – in person. Turn off the computer, the TV, the radio, the iPod, the XBox, the Blackberry and any other electronic gadget that robs your very soul. Turn on to a real conversation. Roast some marshmallows. Read a story book to the little ones before bedtime.

Step away from your computer and step out into nature

Try to rediscover the night, the stars, a full moon, a walk in the woods, holding hands and a thousand other things that a mouse just can’t comprehend. Trust me, I’m a Kat. A mouse is generally up to no good. It chews through wires, carries infectious disease and eats your larder bare. Put the mouse down, step away from the computer and remember who you were before Al Gore invented the internet.

It’s befitting that Twitter and Facebook suffered Denial of Service attacks because they are in service to those in denial about really and truly connecting with someone. Those who think Twitter or Facebook are the cat’s meow are the ones in denial. Serves them right.

Now, I cannot deny that as soon as I press this publish button, this post will be Tweeted to the world telling them to come read how much I loathe holding my nose, wading through the offal, looking for just one speck of gold. I feel like a Bangladeshi sewer rat scurrying in the tunnels below the streets of Dhaka, sifting for treasures discarded in the waste of the mumbling masses.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, hmm . . . nah, shit, shit, ouch, shit, whoa, holy shit – splash – smelly, nope, ugly, nope, dirty . . . hey, that might work, if I can just wash all of the shit off of it.”

Of course, one man’s shit is another man’s treasure. I would prefer to leave that as an aphorism, if you please. I don’t want to prove that I can find something wonderful by standing neck-deep in the bowels of civilization. I’d rather have a pocketful of memories than a shitload of filthy gold fillings.

Some people get rich that way, I suppose. Maybe that’s why I barely have two pennies to rub together. But I’m saving a whole lot of money on soap, penicillin and therapy to address my need for greed.

I’ll still use Twitter, for now, but don’t expect me to bat an eye if the service goes down. If Facebook goes down, though, I might throw a big social media party. Hmm, how will I let everyone know? I’ll just Tweet ‘em.

That’s my law firm: Dewey, Tweetum and Howe. I may need them for the impending libel suit by Twitter and Facebook.

The Kat