I’m rarely surprised, stunned or shocked by people’s stupidity. Consider me desensitized due to the overwhelming propensity for ignorant, vapid fools to continue breeding. But if it helps, I’ll gladly share a smidgen of what I’ve learned, having survived 47 years on this, seemingly, God-forsaken planet, by following a few simple rules:
- Stop, look and listen – both ways – before crossing the road
- Don’t play chicken with objects bigger, heavier and hungrier
- If you can’t outrun it, don’t piss it off
- Don’t put anything in your mouth bigger than your head
- And if you run with lemmings or mindless sheep . . . update your will.
Below is just another reason why the Darwin Awards get my vote over the Academy Awards:
ALBANY, New York (AP) – New Yorkers, turn down the iPod and pay attention: A new proposal would make it illegal to walk, jog or bike across the street while using your tech gadgets.
“If you’re so involved in your electronic device that you can’t see or hear a car coming, this is indicative of a larger problem that requires some sort of enforcement beyond the applicaton of common sense,” state Senator Carl Kruger said.
One grilled dumbass to go!
And it is not just iPods. Kruger’s bill also would ban using cell phones, Blackberries and video games or other electronic devices when crossing the street. Kruger said a 21-year-old man in his district was killed, last fall, when he stepped off the curb at a busy intersection while listening to music. And a 23-year-old iPod listener was killed January 11th of this year.
“You could have a fire engine coming and you wouldn’t hear it,” said Jason Koppel, Kruger’s chief of staff.
The proposed fine? $100.
Charlotte Troisgros, 16, a student talking on her cell phone on the street, Wednesday, laughed and said the law may not be such a bad idea.
“You really don’t pay attention. You might get hit by a car,” she said.
There may be some who can multi-task well enough to challenge the rat-race gauntlet while thumb-texting, YouTubing or listening to their latest ripped iPod playlist. However, what is your life worth? And do you think it is an inalienable right to endanger yourself and others while living on the edge, just so you can feel alive? If so, then I’ll expect to see you in the news, someday, but your next of kin may not be so happy about the headline summing up your final fifteen minutes of fame.
As long as there are those who need warning labels on hair dryers to enlighten them unto the hazards of using the devices while still in the shower, then I won’t hold my breath for the cool, hip and plugged-in elite to pull off their headphones, put away their Game Boys and focus upon the basics of life, since they don’t seem to plan on being around long enough to actually live it.
If you happen to know a potential Darwin Award winner and want to prolong their vast entertainment value for the rest of us, then here’s one last rule you may share with them that may preclude the need for a new Moron Law named after their inevitable demise:
- Pull your head out
Frankly, on an ever shrinking planet where the rampant cancer called “Humanity” rushes to see which culture can more quickly destroy its environment and each other, I think we’ve lost our faculties in trying to save everyone, especially those whom Natural Selection would simply eliminate, if not for our incessantly rude and arrogant interference.
I believe in the Law of the Jungle. It’s called survival of the fittest. Now, on my way home, watch me get hit by a bus.
The Kat
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