I am the afternoon news anchor at a local radio station in Santa Barbara, California. Tending to find the humor in even the most painful situations – like reading about murder and mayhem, daily, when I’d rather be goofing off – I realize that truth is stranger and funnier than fiction. Once you get beyond the initial brutality, that is.
This story came across the AP wire service, last night, as I was preparing today’s newscast. I deeply empathize with this poor man, cringing and wincing at the mere thought of his ordeal, but after I checked my own huevos and rearranged them for comfort, I found the evil side of me was smirking, as usual, at another’s pain and misfortune. So human of me.
But this story taught me something about myself: I don’t like reading news that I can’t comment on. It’s hard to bite my tongue and not editorialize during the newscast, which is why I won’t do television news. I can’t keep a straight face.
SANTA BARBARA (AP) - A Santa Barbara man is seeking $100,000 in damages from a Buellton motel and its parent company, claiming a faulty toilet seat injured his private parts. Bruce Iorio, 57, has filed a civil suit in Santa Barbara County Superior Court against Motel 6.
According to the suit, Mr. Iorio rented a room at the motel while visiting a friend in Santa Ynez. Mr. Iorio said that, following a buffet dinner at the Chumash Casino & Resort, he returned to his motel room to use the toilet.
When he sat down, the toilet seat moved first to the right, then to the left side of the U-shaped toilet bowl, flipped up, and caught him between the seat and the bowl.
Beware the Evil Ball Buster!
Mr. Iorio said he was stuck like that for a few minutes. After freeing himself, according to court papers, Mr. Iorio went to the motel manager and asked where the closest emergency room was.
He then, reportedly, drove to Santa Ynez Valley Cottage Hospital to seek emergency treatment. Once he returned to the motel, Mr. Iorio said he took photographs of his injury — a contusion that he described as the size of a quarter.
“At the time it happened,” Mr. Iorio said by phone, “it was painful and embarrassing.” He described his injury as a “dull throbbing…an irritating dull pain.”
Mr. Iorio said the hotel manager gave him a different room.
Before filing the suit, Mr. Iorio said the motel offered him $200 for his medical costs, which he turned down. He was later offered $450. However, that amount wasn’t enough to cover the $1,548 in doctor bills and medications Mr. Iorio said he incurred.
Daniel Fallon, the attorney representing Motel 6, said he was aware of the suit, but declined comment saying it was against company policy to make statements about any pending cases.
Thus, in their never-tiring attempts to appease the Great American Traveler, especially to thwart embarrassing and painful litigation, the lodging chain has wisely adopted a new policy and slogan:
[cue Tom Bidet]
“Motel 6 – We’ll leave the lid up for you.”
The Kat
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